Like Moses delivering forth the Ten Commandments, "Chunklet" magazine presents you with "The Rock Bible"--the complete rules for living an authentic life of rock 'n' roll. Here are hundreds of wise and witty guidelines for
Drummers: "If you're one of those drummers who sets up at the front of the stage, back the hell up. You are the goalies of rock; play your position."
Singers: "When you feel like stage-diving, first make sure the people in the front like your music enough to catch you."
Guitarists: "No one's looking at your guitar strap. Don't ever spend more than the cost of an average meal on something that can be replaced by a particularly hearty piece of string."
Keyboardists: "There's only one person who will look more ridiculous and offensive in leather pants than the lead singer: the keyboard player."
Onstage Antics: "Being wasted onstage works for only about 5 percent of bands, and yours isn't one of them."
Fans: "Fans that dress like the band are just asking to be pummeled. If you want to be in the band that badly, you might as well bring your gear to the show and play along from the audience."
And unholy words on much, much more.
About the Author
Jonathan Williams (1929-2008) founded the Jargon Society--a publisher dedicated to experimental fiction, photography, and visionary folk art--and has championed the underdog, maverick, and outsider in the arts for fifty years. He has also published over 100 of his own books, pamphlets, and broadsides of poetry, essays, and photography. He lived on Skywinding Farm in rural North Carolina.