When The Dance of Deceptionwas published, Lerner discovered that women were not eager to identify with the subject. "Well, I don't do deception" was a common resonse.
We all "do deception," often with the intention to protect ourselves and the relationships we depend on. The Dance of Deceptionunravels the ways (and whys) that women show the false and hide the real -- even to our own selves. We see how relationships are affected by lying and faking, by silence and pretending and by brave -- but misguided -- efforts to tell the truth.
Truth-telling is at the heart of what is most central in women's lives. It is at the foundation of authenticity and creativity, intimacy and joy. Yet in the name of "honesty," we can bludgeon each other. We can approach a difficult issue with such a poor sense of timing and tact that we can actually shut down the lines of communication rather than widening the path of truth-telling.
Sometimes Lerner's advice takes a surprising turn -- for example, when she asks us to engage in a bold act of pretending in order to discover something "more real"; or when she tells us not to parachute down on our family to bring up a "hot issue" without laying the necessary groundwork first.
Whether the subject is affairs, family secrets, sexual faking or the challenge of "being oneself," Lerner helps us to discover, speak and live our own truths.
About the Author
Harriet Lerner, Ph.D., nationally renowned clinical psychologist, is the author of many books and audio tapes including the New York Times bestseller, The Dance of Anger, and most recently, The Dance of Fear: Rising Above Anxiety, Fear and Shame to be Your Best and Bravest Self. A consultant, lecturer, and workshop leader who is internationally acclaimed for her contributions on women and families, Dr. Lerner served as a staff psychologist and psychotherapist at the Menninger Clinic in Topeka, Kansas for more than two decades. You can visit her website, www.harrietlerner.com.
“Stunning in it’s impact. This is a book to be read and reread.”
-Betty Carter, M.S.W. Director Emerita, Family Institute of Westchester, New York.
“A remarkable, beautifully written book illuminating ways for women to find integrity, courage, and voice in a world that rewards female silence and pretense.”
-Carol Tavris, Ph.D.